There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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