It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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