AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize