I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
