I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
