She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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