We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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