ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
