so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
