Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
