Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
