I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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