My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
