The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
