so that wasnt chicken after all
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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