Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
