This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
