the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
