quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
