Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
