Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
