My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
