Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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