**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
ttyl tear gas
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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