I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize