He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
