but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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