im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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