My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
