I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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