Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
