My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
