Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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