did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
