You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You were trust falling into bushes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
