Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize