He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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