ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I died a long time ago.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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