Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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