the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
