I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
