i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
