im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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