i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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