so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
