shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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