how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
