Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
