i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
bring money and cleavage
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
