Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize