Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
