Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
