She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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