i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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