I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize