You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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