so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
