My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
