I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
