How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
