you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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