Even the bartender felt bad for me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
