I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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