I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
FUCK WHALES
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
