Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
